I walked downtown tonight and sat on a bench, smoking cigarettes as I watched people walk by on a Sunday night.  General feelings of boredom and frustration were shared with everyone.  I miss things being okay.

        It has occurred to me that I have not once in my life drawn a picture of myself where I was not purposefully disfigured.  Notice, exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

or even Exhibit C:

   Bah, anyways.  I just thought it was a bit strange.  I think I've been insane for years and just learned to adapt myself to society.....and I'm doing a crappy as fuck job of adapting to society as well, if I do say so myself.  I just want to be held....and have my own place....and go to the beach....and dive off of a cliff at the beach.  Yeah...maybe it's a good thing I don't ever go to the beach anymore.  Boo.

I wish I had known I was the sort of girl these sorts of things were going to happen to....maybe if I had known I would have brainwashed myself earlier on in the game. 

   Is it so much to ask that a guy actually looks past my tits to see the person I am.  I'm not going to lie, I'm not the best of people.  But I am trying, and honestly, what more do people want out of me?  I am interesting, and honest.  I think I can be a fun person, but then again trying to judge how people see me by my own standards is neither fair nor accurate.  God dammit all....I'm so through with all this.  I'm going out there and I'm not going to stop it until I find what I'm looking for.  I'm sick of hiding from these people in fear that I'll keep getting hurt.

     Fuck that.  I want to find this.

Entertwined roses

we are as lips

kiss upon folds of dew and sentiment

My comfort, my love and always

We whisper until

voices

hoarse

from sobs of thorns

And yet the notion of untangling

ourselves from this life

our life we've grown together

Is more

ever more painful still

As each thorn scrapes with the move

And I beg you

pathetic and pleading to stay

You, stone-faced angel

just walk

away and command

that I walk

home alone in tears and not to call any of our friends again.

Why?

Circumstances cling around me and all those internet outlets I used to shower myself in.  I'm unable to write here anymore...

    I am not going to bother with the whole reasoning and missing everyone fiddle faddle, let's just leave it the way Danny intended.

Adios Amigos.

Happy burfday to me.  I got:

A Monkeybone. (Yay for disturbing dollies!)

A month long bus pass (yay for free transport!)

$20! (I know where your being spent :cough: Foolycooly :cough:)

.....yep.